According to Dr. David Hawkins, Director of The Institute for Advanced Theoretical and Spiritual Research, “Worry is an unwillingness to surrender. It is a way of thinking that if you keep persisting with the thought, you’ll somehow control the outcome. But you don’t. The way out is to picture the worst possible scenario and surrender to that. You perpetuate what you resist.”

I recently had a grand opportunity to put these words into practice on a recent mountain biking expedition with several of my highly skilled, physically fit companions. I knew for several weeks in advance that I would be camping with this pacticular group of people. I also knew that a mountain bike ride on Saturday morning would be part of the weekend festivities.

I found myself worrying in advance about how I would perform compared to the rest of the group. I knew all of them were in better shape than me and also much more experienced on a mountain bike. I wondered how far I’d be behind the pack, and if I’d get tired before the outing was finished.

With Dr. Hawkins in mind, I decided to picture the worst case scenario and surrender to that. I didn’t want my days prior to the camping trip to be consumed with worry, negative imaginings, and fear of looking stupid in front of the group, so I just surrendered the entire proceedings to the universe.

When the day came for the mountain bike ride, I had to surrender once again to the worst case scenario because my mind was rambling like a crazy person about all demerits of being last, slow and slightly out of shape.

I actually had a great time. I managed to keep a pretty good pace for most of the ride and I tackled a long, steep uphill climb on the last leg of the journey. Surrendering allowed me to remain present in the moment and really enjoy the beautiful mountain scenery, the fresh warm air, and the great company of my dear friends.

What are you resisting?

Over the past few months I have enjoyed watching the immensely popular reality TV series known as Hell’s Kitchen. Fifteen contestants slice and dice their way towards a coveted executive chef position at Gordon Ramsay’s newest, sure to be award-winning, restaurant in West Hollywood.

The fifteen contestants, both men and woman, had various levels of restaurant and food prep experience and ranged in ages from 24 to 47. Although at times I was stunned by Mr. Ramsay’s tell it like it is attitude, which included the use of terse language and biting statements, I enjoyed watching the contestants work together as a team while also looking to stand out as individual contributors.

In the end, twenty-five year old, Christina, who had the least amount of restaurant and food prep experience, won the coveted title of “executive chef” for Gordon Ramsay. So where did it get really interesting for me?

Christina is ONLY twenty-five years old! That’s a lot of pressure on a twenty-five year old woman. For some reason I am still astounded and she won the title days ago. I even watched the finale one more time because I just couldn’t believe a twenty-five year old could win such a prestigious award and have so little experience.

Evidently Gordon saw something special in her and somewhere in her heart of hearts she had to believe in herself enough to go for it! Way to go, Christina. You did a fabulous job and kicked the butt of fourteen other chefs, most of them many years your senior.

I dare say I was no where near having the confidence you have at twenty-five, but you remind me that age has nothing to do with achievement and everything to do with what you are willing to go for and what you believe you are worthy of.

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Happiness is not something you will have some day in the distant future when everything in your life is just right. It doesn’t work that way.

Happiness is available (for free) right this very moment if you just make the decision to accept whatever happens in the present moment without overlaying it with the belief that life should somehow be different than it is.

Happiness lives within you and can be accessed right now but it has to be chosen above all other options like irritation, anger, resentment, boredom, worry, etc. Now matter how much you wish your life were different, no amount of spewing negative emotions is going to change your NOW.

So don’t put off your entire life what can be had today. Be friendly with the present moment and happiness will be your immediate companion.

I once heard Wayne Dyer make the comment, “Infinite patience produces immediate results.” These are, most certainly, words to live by.

During the course of the past year as I have wracked my brains in every conceivable way possible, while I learn the ins and outs of internet marketing, it has occurred to me that everything I have worked on has cost twice as much as I had expected, and has taken twice as long and I had expected.

When you are in business for yourself no one gives you a policies and procedures manual on how to get your business up and running. It takes a lot of work, tons of research, and a few bumps on the noggin from the school of hard knocks.

I have become a pro at forgiving myself early for my own perceived misgivings, setbacks and failures. In the process, I have discovered the more patient I am with myself the more peaceful I am during the day. And as much as each day IS my life, I have been able to more easily manage the curves and bends in the road without getting side-swiped by excessive amounts of doubt, fear and panic.

Infinite patience means never quitting on myself. It means carrying on even when I don’t feel like carrying on. It means being my biggest fan even when I’m in the process of losing three clients in the same month. The immediate result is peace of mind.

Looking back on my life in retrospect isn’t that what the goal has been all along? There is no greater accomplishment than to have peace of mind during the turbulent and wild ride we call life.

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Eighty percent of the individuals I coach are working on changing some aspect of their work life. Issues include: transitioning from corporate collective to entrepreneurial status (small business owner), getting rid of a tyrannical boss, identifying a more exciting career field, moving from hourly pay to a salaried position, etc.

The one thing these clients all had in common is that they were stuck in some aspect of an unfulfilling career and, subsequently, were miserable. Feeling “stuck” is not so much an aspect of the job itself, as much as it’s an aspect of a lack of self-worth.

Currently I’m working with a gentleman we’ll call Tony. Tony has been doing the same type of IT work since he graduated with an MBA ten years ago. He has been laid off five or six times in this ten year period AND he hates what he is doing.

You would think ten years of participating in an unfulfilling career would have Tony running for the hills, never to look for jobs in the IT industry ever again - even if hell was freezing over. Unfortunately Tony is stuck in a pattern of applying for jobs in a career field he hates because his negative self-talk (lack of self-worth) is keeping him from pursuing something much more interesting.

Luckily he has identified this deep rooted pattern and sought out the help of a life coach to help him move in the direction his soul intended. Tony is an extroverted person with a big personality who likes lots of variety in his job description.

But he is working in an environment that squelches his personality, requires little creativity, and is sucking the life out of him on a daily basis. It is no wonder he has been laid off so many times. If you loathe coming to work everyday the people around you will sense that you don’t really want to be there and your wish will be granted.

Listen to your intuition. It is trying to tell you something. Misery is sign that something needs to change and fast. Give yourself permission to dream BIG. Take a risk. Try something new. If you fizzle or sizzle it’s up to you!

From an outsider’s perspective, people-pleasing may seam selfless and even admirable. However there is a big difference between serving others because it is part of who you, versus feeling the need to please everyone because you have a need to valued, needed and loved.

A high self-worth comes from an inner self-love. It comes from a knowing that my needs equal your needs. People-pleasing, on the other hand, stems from feelings of low self-worth and little or no self-love.

I’ve worked with many coaching clients who sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of pleasing someone else, and over time they become bitter and resentful towards the very same people they spend so much time trying to please.

If you are not sold on you, no amount of “doing” for other people will ever make you feel loved, needed or valued. It usually has the opposite effect. You end up feeling used, abused and under-appreciated.

The value, love and appreciation you are seeking must come from within to have any lasting effect. Take a little time to do at least one thing for yourself everyday that is just for you (take a bath, go for a walk, call a dear friend, get your nails done, etc). You will immediately begin to shift your inner feelings of insecurity and lack to gratitude and abundance.

Are you sold on you?

A client called me a few minutes ago for a quick ten minute pick-me-up support call. I offer this as an added benefit to all my clients for those challenging moments when they are dealing with something that can’t wait until our regularly scheduled coaching session.

She has quite a few things happening in her life right now. Her husband just had back surgery. She is in the midst of selling her house and looking for a new place to live. And, she is contemplating several new career opportunities. Phew! That’s a lot of balls to juggle at the same time.

She is hosting an open house on Sunday and lamenting the fact that not every room is as neat and orderly as she would like it to be right now. Given all she is currently dealing with at the moment I said - let it be!

Just let it be.

The people who can see past the imperfections will and those who can’t won’t.  Either way, it is what it is. In another time and place she would have been better prepared but her husband needs her right now and the housekeeping can wait.

Sometimes good enough is good enough. Occasionally the best possible option is to do nothing.

Even the Beatles knew the importance of “letting it be”.

WHEN I FIND MYSELF IN TIMES OF TROUBLE
MOTHER MARY COMES TO ME
SPEAKING WORDS OF WISDOM LET IT BEAND IN MY HOUR OF DARKNESS
SHE IS STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
SPEAKING WORDS OF WISDOM LET IT BE

We all have a tendency to resist what we do not like or do not want in our lives. We also tend to embrace that which is desirable and wanted.

The problem with resistance is whatever is being resisted tends to recur in our life over and over again until we pay attention to what our soul is trying to tell us.

Let’s say you do not like conflict because it makes you feel anxious so you avoid it at all costs. Most likely, if getting your needs met in a relationship requires the possibility your mate might not agree, chances are you will create a pattern of suppressing your needs.

In an effort to avoid any possibility of conflict this pattern of suppression will likely become a pressure cooker situation for you because who you really are (the authentic you) will be squashed out of fear.

Rather than waiting twenty years to feel appreciated, validated and heard, silently suffering all the while, you can begin right now to embrace the fact you do not like conflict and speak your needs anyway.

The more willing you are to embrace uncertainty by calmly sitting through the uncomfortable periods in your life, the sooner you will move past it and it will no longer be a road block to living a life you love.

What are you resisting?

The biggest obstacle to life we have is our very own version of who we think we are. We are a society filled with the disease of “not enoughness”. We never have enough of anything which means we always come from a place of lack.

How do I know this? First, I used to be one of those people who had the disease of not enoughness. I never felt appreciated enough, thin enough, pretty enough, tall enough, or successful enough. Second, I hear it all the time from my clients. They worry about being smart enough, handsome enough, capable enough, loved enough, talented enough, and so on.

Getting enough of anything begins within. The person who has no needs is enough. Imagine not needing anything? Wouldn’t life be blissful? You can begin to embrace enoughness by accepting who you are and what you have at this moment. It means total acceptance of the present moment.

This is not to say things will not change. They will. We are constantly in a cycle of evolving. Learn to be good with who you are and what you have right now and you won’t feel the unhappiness that comes with wishing you were different, or that things, people and circumstances would be different than they are.

Not feeling like you are enough keeps you in a state of CONSTANT dissatisfaction with all of life. There is no peace in this kind of existence - not now or ever. No matter where you are or what you have obtained you will still look for the missing piece.

Being enough, doing enough, and having enough are states of mind. Practice letting go of resistance to what is and feel the enoughness that surrounds you. It is everywhere and always present.

This past weekend I taught a workshop at Colorado Free University www.cfu.com called Master Your Life through Life Coaching. The class lasts about four hours and I talk about the importance of identifying your core need (because it secretly runs your life), getting out of your comfort zone, how to stop repeating the same old patterns, and creating something new in your life. Whew! It’s a lot to cover in four short hours.

As a way to remind my students how important and life changing it can be to stretch your comfort zone, I hand out rainbow colored mini-slinkies as a parting gift. They are great fun to play with and perfect for those kinesthetic learners in the audience who need to be moving in order to really focus.

A few moments ago, one of my students from class called to say that getting out of his comfort zone is an exhilarating experience, and he wants to take more stretches and risks to really test the limits of what is possible for him. He is keeping his slinky in his pants pocket as a constant reminder to stretch himself. I am thrilled! This is exactly what I had hoped for. I am grateful that he is actually living the message instead of just talking about it.

In order for new information to sink into the inner layers of our cells, we need to put the knowledge to work. We need to implement it into our daily lives to really experience a change. Getting out of your comfort zone can be addicting for all the right reasons. Increased confidence is the automatic consequence of taking risks. Push your limits and really stretch yourself. You never know what might be around the next corner.